Lawyer...

Lawyers should never ask grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the
answer.

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an
elderly grandmother to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs Jones,
do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy, and frankly, you're a big disappointment to me. You
lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk about them behind their
backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize
you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I
know you."

The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the
room and asked, "Mrs Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr Bradley since he was a
youngster. He's lazy, bigoted, and has a drinking problem. He can't build a
normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in
the state. Not to mention he cheats on his wife with three different women.
One of them is your wife. Yes I know him."

The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both lawyers to approach the bench and in a quiet voice
said: "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to
the electric chair."